Wednesday, August 19, 2010
I am still very angry at God. I should be planning my trip home by now, instead I have to under go a horrendous transplant that is (without any problems) going to keep me here for 6-7 months. And during the freezing weather months. I want to come home so bad. Today I hate it here. I don't like my Nazi doctor nor the old and scary hospital. I feel like I am just a broken machine to the doctors, very little personal contact or support. Just "do what I say and keep your whining to yourself." No one tells you anything or what the results of all the tests are.
Yes, I am laying my burden on you all. I try real hard to pray, keep myself in God's word and think of those things that are joyful. But it is still so difficult, hopefully God will hear my prayers and relieve my heart from this burden.
I underwent an angio/vena gram yesterday, and of course no one has told us the results. We won't see the doc until Friday so hopefully he will be able to enlighten us. I have a cardiac stress test tomorrow, (the second one in two months). They are no fun because they give me meds that make my heart rate go to 160bpm. You can actually see my heart beating thru my thin chest and it is very uncomfortable. Fortunately it doesn't last very long. Then more IVs and blood work on Friday. My tummy is sooo big and feels terrible. Yet they still fill me full of fluids. I don't get it. They don't explain why or what the benefit is. I am so confused.
I had to spend the night in the hospital after my angio, once we got out we drove up to Washington Mountain (in the middle of Pitts) and looked over the whole city and saw all 3 rivers. We went to a little village and had lunch, then home to rest.
I am looking forward to moving into an apartment and being able to nest. This little studio is getting crowded and uncomfortable. I need something that is light and spacious. The apartments we saw have a great room with kitchen, living room & dinning area all in one. The kitchen is huge and has a breakfast bar. I really like it. Unfortunately it is going to be a while before one is available.
I apologize about this blog it is a downer, but I felt I had to write anyway. Please keep up the prayers as I really need them.
Tryin for better more positive spirit next blog.
steph
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Hi Steph, Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Hang in there and feel free to vent. I don't mind.
ReplyDeleteThere is a coyote puppy that comes out around dusk and Wallis thinks that is very exciting. He is very cute and comes down to the water troughs in the pastures. He got the puppy sillies the other night and went running across the patures sideways. Which would have been really cute if I wasn't sitting on Wallis at the time and trying to keep her feet on the ground.
Take care and know that I am always thinking of you. Kim
HI Steph,
ReplyDeleteIt's alright to vent, just like the tea kettle we need to let the hot air out every once in a while. Everyone understands, even and most of all God. I know that you are tough and can do this.
Hang in there, Dianne
We are praying for you and Steve and we praise God for Steve! From your blog it is apparent that he is taking good care of you. We ask God to give both of you strength and joy in His presence.
ReplyDeleteHi Steph - it is me again. Ed led all 3 services in prayer for you and Steve today. It was great - there was a collective response as he shared your story. We pray for you daily and many more know to pray now. love, Gail
ReplyDelete